Way back in 2012, this was my spoiler-free review of The Dark Knight Rises. Looking back at it today, I realized it also perfectly expresses my feelings about The Avengers: Infinity War. Apologies to the faithful; love it all you like. But this is me.
One of the things I did on vacation was see The Dark Knight Rises, the final dark chapter in Christopher Nolan’s dark Der Ring Des Batman-lungen trilogy. One of the previews shown before it was for the Nolan-produced Man of Steel, aka Die Leiden des jungen Supermans, which looks, among other adjectives, quite dark. So moved and inspired was I by this experience, my fangirl need for chaos, knowledge, and control seized me and forced me to psychically hack the hard drive of Nolan’s writing computer where I discovered his first notes for a new project: Wabbit Season, a dark and hyper-realistic interpretation of another beloved and iconic fictional universe long revered in the collective subconscious of American pop culture.
Working Title: Wabbit Season
Bugs Bunny: Protagonist; small-time criminal, genius intelligence, incomplete arts education, anarchist, open transvestite, closet transsexual – Brooklyn accent, Irish descent – ties to IRA; good with bombs. Casting notes: Christian Bale currently preparing with carrots-only diet and plastic surgery to stretch ears. Other possibilities if Bale unavailable and/or uninsurable due to starvation? Will Smith? Warner Brothers pushing Jim Carrey; too on-the-nose.
Daffy Duck: Homicidal moralist – strong ties to Black Panther movement of the 1960s – 1960s setting? Subtle lisp suggestive of homosexuality, self-loathing, love/hate/lust/kill fixation on Bugs. Torture sequence involving bill. Casting note: take meeting with Chris Rock re: possible dramatic vehicle. Don Cheadle could also work.
Elmer J. Fudd, Millionaire: Primary antagonist, industrialist, serial killer. Owns a mansion and a yacht. Childhood history of profound physical and sexual abuse, current addiction to whiffable drug designed by his own pharmaceutical company – turns red while under the influence. Hunting enthusiast; obsessively drawn to Bugs in drag. Casting note: keep calling Tommy Lee Jones, restraining order be damned.
Secondary plotline to open the film involving dwarf mafioso Babyface Finster – Tom Cruise has expressed interest; only if he dances. Prefer Peter Dinklage, would take Patton Oswalt if his sense of irony can be surgically suppressed. Mel Gibson last resort. Possible product placement deal with Huggies?
Other possible titles: “Pronoun Trouble.” “Despicable.” “Hassenpfeffer.” Trilogy?