A Blasphemous Conversation

prince lestat UK coverIn which lesser vampire authors Lucy Blue and Alexandra Christian bemoan the fate of their idol.

LUCY:  How much do we hate Anne Rice’s new UK cover?!!??!

 LEX:  WTF is wrong with them??!!! It looks like a cheap romance novel.  And I say that as an author of cheap romance novels…

LUCY:  My cover for Tender Bites was better than that.  Your covers for the Mocha Memoirs trilogy are MUCH better than that.  They probably spent a fortune hiring a semi-recognizable model (I think I’ve seen him in a Ralph Lauren ad, him or someone who looks just like him), and the costuming is extremely pricey – that jacket alone cost a fortune and was probably made specifically for that shoot.  But then they use the image in the cheapest, most obvious way imaginable.  Almost nobody who sees it is going to notice how pricey the individual elements are; they’re only going to engage the cheap, amateurish product.

Never mind that my whole reaction to a book entitled “Prince Lestat” is a big fat groan.

LEX:  They’re counting on the name Anne Rice to sell it.  But the cover is just horrendous.  Blech.

LUCY:  And here’s the thing – the name Anne Rice isn’t selling all that well at the moment. Which is probably why she got pushed into this cover in the first place.

It all comes back to what we’ve been saying for months – nobody knows nothing no more.

LEX:  Well if she’d write a book that’s worth a damn….

LUCY:  True . . . I think the problem is, she was always psycho.  But before, her version of psycho was sexy.  But she’s done that now, and as she’s aged, she’s moved into an older, more mature version of psycho that doesn’t connect with anybody any more.

LEX:  Well she keeps plowing the same dirt.  And when she’s not plowing that dirt, she’s doing something that’s so off the wall that it doesn’t make sense.

LUCY:  I think the plowing is her trying to reconnect and the off the wall is what she really wants to write.  It makes me sad because I think she’s brilliant; I think there are probably many more great novels inside her head wanting out.  But I think she has had some kind of weird religious conversion that has made her feel guilty and apologist about some of her early stuff (which is ridiculous), and just like she does in these monster series (serieses?) she writes, she’s trying to write her way out of the corner with plot that just gets nuttier and nuttier.

I feel her pain a little bit because part of the problem is, she was the Mother Goddess of this entire paranormal/gothic/romantic movement, and everything that has come since feeds off her original creation.  But that has gone on long enough that it’s moved beyond imitators into contrarians – people don’t write like Anne Rice any more, they specifically write vampires and werewolves and witches that are NOT like Anne Rice.  But she’s still around and still writing; she’s not ready to be the compost in the general soil just yet.  So she’s got a choice – she can either write in the sensibility she’s always had and be perceived as out of touch with the times and the sad crone who doesn’t know when to leave the party or she can try to adopt some version of the new sensibility (hence this cover) which isn’t hers, doesn’t fit, and results in rotten books, and she looks like the sad crone who bought a lot of make-up and has had a bit too much to drink.  And with trends cropping up, blooming, and dying in the space of months now, it’s happening to more and more content creators faster and faster.  As soon as something succeeds, it immediately becomes a punch line.  And once it becomes a punch line, it’s dead.

LEX:  Well sadly, she IS out of touch with the market right now.  She asked on Facebook if anyone would be interested in reading an erotic romance.  I mean, really Anne?  Where have you been in the last five years?  So I feel like we’ll be seeing a freako copycat of her Beauty books in the near future.

LUCY:  Oh but see, I suspect if you asked her, she would sniff aristocratically and point out that all of THOSE books came from independent publishers and smut mongers; she’s only interested in REAL erotic romance from Random House.  She probably considers 50 Shades beneath her notice, too.

So yeah, a new Beauty-esque saga is most likely in the works.  Jack and His Amazing Beanstalk?

I feel like a cretin for making jokes; I love those books; I love her writing – anybody who has read a sex scene I’ve written knows how much I love her style of erotica; she’s been a huge influence on me.  But yeah, it’s like she’s been up in the ivory tower for decades, only to discover that the world changed without her.  And now she’s trying to climb down and make art, and it’s just not working.

That said, if I had the sales numbers she had on her past couple of “failures,” I’d be a happy little writer indeed.

LEX:  Exactly.  She could never sell another book and be perfectly happy.

Gentle readers, may the same be said of all of us someday.

Imaginarium 2014!

imaginarium logoSo where ya gonna be September 19-21, 2014, kittens?  Me, I’ll be in Louisville, Kentucky, at the first ever Imaginarium, a convention created specifically for creators and fans of speculative fiction in all its many forms.  Imagine the most awesome literary track ever created at a fandom con – that, that’s what it is.  Want specifics?  Here’s a link to a page all about the programming:  http://www.entertheimaginarium.com/writers-track/

The guest of honor is author Rose Pressey.  There’ll be more writers, artists, screenwriters, editors, publishers, game designers, comics gurus, bloggers, filmmakers, and other assorted “Imaginators” than you can shake a Spear of Destiny at, including me, Alexandra Christian, Stephen Zimmer, Tally Johnson, S.H. Roddey, Crymsyn Hart, James Tuck, John F. Allen, Selah Janel, Marcia Colette, and all the Hee Haw gang (as Lexxx would say).  Come play with us, y’all.  It will be a great time.

When One Demon Lover Just Isn’t Enough – Behind the Red Door by Alexandra Christian

BehindTheRedDoor_72dpi

Just in time for lazing on the beach (or hiding your Kindle from the kiddies at the beach house), my baby sister, Alexandra Christian, is releasing all three novellas in her Behind the Red Door series from Mocha Memoirs Press in one hot and handy volume.  But here, I’ll let her tell you all about it:

Welcome to The Oubliette.

Cali Barrows has had it with love.  After wasting three years with the man she thought was the love of her life, she finds out that he’s been sleeping with his boss.  Broken-hearted and bored, Cali’s life had become a string of TV dinners and tawdry romance novels. She wondered where her life was going until she followed the mysterious stranger through the red door and enters a world that few would everknow existed.

The Oubliette is a safe haven for all those creatures that go bump in the night.  They cater to a very particular clientele and only those who seek it out may find the red door leading into a dark paradise of otherworldly delights.  Together with her vampire hosts, André and Leo, Cali becomes a matchmaker for the undead and unwittingly gets herself into all sorts of mischief, all the while slipping into a decadent world where every sensual desire is fulfilled.

One reviewer on Amazon wrote about “Three to Tango”:  “Two vampires, one human: many possibilities. I adored this story. It was shorter than I would like, to be honest. Just enough heat to spice things up without ruining the story.”

Get yer own here:

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&field-author=Alexandra%20Christian&search-alias=books#/ref=sr_nr_p_n_feature_browse-b_2?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3AAlexandra+Christian%2Cp_n_feature_browse-bin%3A618073011&bbn=283155&ie=UTF8&qid=1349328622&rnid=618072011

Barnes and Noble:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/strange-bedfellows-alexandra-christian/1113051106?ean=2940015623277

All Romance eBooks:  http://www.allromanceebooks.com/storeSearch.html?searchBy=author&qString=Alexandra+Christian

Bookstrand:  http://www.bookstrand.com/alexandra-christian

Smashwords:  http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/234701

The Horror and the Hotness – Hellsong by Alexandra Christian

hellsong_msrI always thought horror romance was what I put my poor boyfriend through in college but turns out, no, it’s much, much better.  Check out Hellsong, the brand new horror romance from Alexandra Christian, just out in e-book from Ellora’s Cave.

Theo is a child of the storm, found wandering after the hurricane that devastated New Orleans, with no memory of her past. She’s made a quiet, contented existence for herself. But all that changes when two very different but equally compelling men come into her life.

Dantalion and Saraqael both want her body, and her soul. But there’s a much greater prize at stake. If she chooses right, she’ll find Heaven in the arms of an angel. If she chooses wrong, all Hell will be let loose on Earth.

A Romantica® horror erotic romance from Ellora’s Cave 

I’ve loved this one since I read the first draft in manuscript.  I bought a copy for my Kindle last night and decided to just skim through it to see if anything had changed, got completely hooked, and ended up going to sleep well after midnight.  (And having the most interesting dreams . . . )

Buy yours here:

Ellora’s Cave:  http://www.ellorascave.com/hellsong.html#

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Hellsong-Alexandra-Christian-ebook/dp/B00J2XAC2C/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1395160055&sr=1-3&keywords=Hellsong

Happy reading, kittens!

A nifty holiday gift from Purple Sword Publications

purple sword samplerPrefer to taste before you buy?  Purple Sword Publications knows you do, you naughty minx, and they’ve put out a sampler o’ sexy reads just for you.  Excerpts from all their best paranormal and fantasy erotica and romance from 2013, all in a pretty purple package, all for free.  (Including a few hot bites from my own Purple Sword book, Strange as Angels (https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-strangeasangels-1297349-340.html)

Get your (free -did I mention it’s totally FREE?) sampler here:

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-purpleswordsampler2013-1374862-166.html

Two Great Vamps That Vamp Great Together

fresh bloodFrom now through Black Friday, the amazingly stupendously fabulous first anthology from the Vampire Writers Support Group, Fresh Blood, is available from Smashwords for only 99 cents.  NINETY-NINE CENTS, kittens, for a thick, juicy slab of vampire short fiction goodness.  Whatever vamp genre you prefer, trust me, you’ll find it here, including my own horror short, “Black Cat Bone.”  Follow this link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/366878 and use this Coupon Code:  FX76F.  Soooo simple and sooooo good!

tenderbitescoverAnd if you’re just looking for something sexy and vampy by me and only me, my own short story collection, Tender Bites, is still available for your handy dandy Kindle device from now until December 1 for $1.99.  After December 1, it’s gone, and it’s good.  You want it.  If you don’t have it, you’re gonna wanna get it.  And you gotta get it now.  I know you’re thinking about turkey and dressing and cheap gaming systems on Black Friday, but next week, you’re gonna need something to read, and these deals will be over, and you’re gonna kick yourself. So don’t mess up!  Here’s the link:  http://www.amazon.com/Tender-Bites-ebook/dp/B009PR38GM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1350504705&sr=1-1&keywords=tender+bites

Fresh Blood: VWSG Anthology Vol. 1

Psssssttt!!!! Wanna read 13 AMAZING vampire stories? Wanna get the e-book REALLY CHEAP?!?! From now through Halloween, Smashwords has the Vampire Writers Support Group’s very first anthology, Fresh Blood, on deep discount. All kinds of vamps, romance to pure horror, from some of the very best writers I know – including me. 🙂 From Smashwords copy